I use the word vagina because I know it’s what most people say when they refer to a woman’s genitals… But technically, the correct word is a vulva. The vulva is the whole female genital system comprising the clitoris, urethra, vagina, and cervix. The vagina is merely the canal.
Read on to discover the correlation between an open, responsive vagina and sexual trauma.
Now then, imagine what it would be like to feel… I mean really feel… her soft, vaginal tissue respond to touch? Or to feel her vaginal muscles gently massage his penis?
Men love a woman who is responsive in bed, but to be with a woman whose vagina responds to his fingers inside her, or to his penis probing her, will send him over the moon.
BE EACH OTHER’S, SEXUAL HEALERS
I recently had the tremendous pleasure of interviewing Ellen Eatough, Soulful Sex Coach and CEO of Extatica.com, for my Revive Her Drive Mastery Coaching Series.
Use this link to get both Revive Her Drive at my deepest discount as well as to get a free month of Mastery Coaching ⇐ Designed To Keep Your Spirits Up As You’re Reviving Your Wife Or Girlfriend’s Sexual Desire
Ellen and I had an interesting conversation about the correlation between an open, responsive vagina and sexual trauma.
First, you should know that Ellen is both a colleague and a friend, so I was particularly vulnerable with her when we broached the subject of sexual healing, a topic close to my heart.
When I married my husband, I had no clue how much healing I would have to do before I could become a fully expressed, sexually alive woman.
For some 25 years after we married, Tim was essentially my sexual healer, helping me overcome everything from using birth control for the first time to getting pregnant anyway, having an abortion, and to being told by a clueless boyfriend that I was “a lousy lay.” I also harbored secret shame and fear because I’d never had a vaginal orgasm. Tim not only healed me from these relative mild traumas, he also helped me heal from the severe trauma of being molested by my stepfather between ages 8 and 12.
What I know for sure is that I’m not alone in this. In fact, most women require sexual healing, even if it’s from seemingly inconsequential things like societal pressure to look and behave a certain way.
The other thing I know for sure is that if I can heal the trauma I carried around in my body for so many years, other women can, too. I believe it’s every woman’s birthright to feel and fully enjoy her sexuality, to enjoy her genitals, and to enjoy sharing her vulva and her whole sexual being with her man.
Sadly, this isn’t the case for a lot of us. Too many women have some kind of pain or wounding in our vagina that blocks our enjoyment of sex. That was true for me, and it nearly ruined my marriage.
According to Ellen, the blocks can be related to severe trauma (rape or molestation) or repression, shame, and guilt about our sexuality. Less obvious are blocks that are rooted in the collective; the sexual wounds women have experienced over time that live on in cellular memory.
Whether mild or severe, sexual trauma has a powerful negative impact on our bodies and specifically on our vaginas.
There is a lot a man can do to help his woman heal sexual trauma. I want to discuss specifically what he can do to help heal her trauma while making love to her in a way that can free the natural responsiveness of her vagina.
This technique can also be used during manual stimulation (yoni massage) or while using a dildo. For now, let’s look at how it plays out during intercourse.
Say the two of you are making love; her vagina contracts and she feels pain. Some women will let you know by saying, “Ouch!” Others will grimace, and others will try to hide or ignore the pain.
It’s super helpful if the man is tuned in and paying attention. Men need to understand that, during sex, many women experience discomfort related to unresolved trauma. A woman’s vagina is quite sensitive. She might have little knots and tough tissue in there. Her vaginal walls might have hard ridges.
Men: one of the most powerful things you can do when she’s contracting is the pause, tune into your heart, direct your love into your penis and into her vagina. Imagine your penis is a magic wand and send healing energy to the area where she feels pain.
It’s important to know that anyone – man or woman – might dissociate when old trauma gets triggered. Memories may surface, emotions that have been tamped down for years might be released. Body memories can actually cause a person to relive the trauma.
If your lover does tend to dissociate (or even if they don’t), it’s helpful to discuss in advance how you want to help them heal. You might simply say: “If you ever get to a place where something feels uncomfortable, let me know. I’ll pause and send you loving, healing energy. All you have to do is receive.”
When she gets beyond the discomfort and starts moving again, continue making love to her as if nothing happened. A man’s love, understanding, and compassion will allow her vagina to become more responsive because it has stopped contracting in fear and is resisting the pain.
Here’s the real beauty of this process: when a woman lets go of the resistance, stuck emotion and repressed pain are released from her enteric nervous system. Once she lets it go, it’s gone. Her vagina will start to become supple and responsive to his touch. As he massages her tissue, it will plump up and get engorged. She’ll get super turned on and start to enjoy making love like never before. That’s sexual healing.
To your sexual health and well-being,